Thursday, October 29, 2009

Passport Update

After telling me my birth certificate and drivers license were "not sufficient for passport purposes" The United States Government requested more "proof" of citizenship. Among the list of acceptable forms of identification included;

passport (umm duh)
high school year book photo (because that is impossible to photoshop)
selective service card (what? - who carries that around)
birth certificate (I thought you said that wasn't sufficient)
Drivers License (refer to above thought)
Insurance Card (I was once rear ended by an illegal alien who had insurance)
... as well as a booklet to list every residence I have ever had, every job I've ever had, any schools attended, all living relatives including addresses and phone numbers.

As you may know, I am completely reasonable and patient person when dealing with inept government agencies. So, I thought I would make it easy on whatever poor sap was handling my case file. Yes, I filled out this book. Which is a story for another post. I gathered together paperwork such as my last 10 years of tax returns, college transcripts, probably 50 pay stubs, 10 insurance cards (including 9 expired ones) 3 voided drivers licenses, 2 full year books from high school with post-it notes to guide my handler to appropriate pages such as friends who may have listed may name and written something sentimental like "don't change". I sent childhood pictures, business cards, 12 banking statements from 1996 (these were the oldest I had on record), and a few other select items. I bundled up this "proof" of citizenship and placed it neatly in a shoebox and tied with a pink ribbon, and mailed it to the United States Passport Office in Seattle.

The post master assisting me in this endeavor said to me, "I don't think I've ever seen anyone be sarcastic by mail before". I'm not sure what he meant. I was too focused on the total price of this mailing at $6.66. Sure that could be a fluke, but if the shoe fits.... According to the Post Office tracking reciept my little box-o-sarcasm arrived on October 20th.

I was worried there for a bit, but as it turns out, I am not a terrorist. This according to the United States government who has now seen fit to give me a passport. Or at least that is what the passport confirmation website tells me. It should be in the mail now.


Godfather said...

That is very funny. I wonder if you get your stuff back or if they just use it for the next 100 applications that come in?

All In said...

Well, they say in their letter that they will return to me whatever evidence I sent them. I completely trust them to do just as they say. And in a timely manner too!

Mookie said...

I'm absolutely going to steal this blog, and break it down. I found a few points of your history, as you perceive yourself, to be a bit on the revisionist side...

Mookie said...

So, any update on whether or not you have had your documents returned?

All In said...

yeah... surprisingly things went just as advertised. In less than two weeks I had all my documents back and passport in hand. Although that doesn't mean they won't stop me before I get on the plane for a "special" search. *wink*